Not in the most optimistic of moods. In fact, I'm feeling pretty dismal. I guess that this is the beauty of a blog, the realness of it. What I'm about to say makes me feel vulnerable and I still feel weird posting it. But, who the fuck knows if anyone even reads this thing. It's one more screen in a massive sea of blogs out there.
I guess before this blog post, I've had the happy-go-lucky view that everything works out in the end, and spin it to represent that. I guess my blog emits a "yay, things are happy all the time!" vibe. I don't fucking know.
I've spent years believing that blogs were simply for narcissists or teenagers who believe that the world gives a shit about them. Whether I'm just one more malcontent in front of a laptop is yet to be determined.
I once read a blog-turned-book about a kook on meds who became a mother. Her blog topic was her journey of dealing with postpartum depression. She ended up being institutionalized somewhere in between. I never took her book out of the library because it was a pretty easy read and I didn't need to.
Today, I feel lost in a sea of nobodys. Musicians want to play music. I've put so much time into this music career. So much effort into my music career. And, for what? So far, for fucking nothing. And, I'm getting older and wiser and I'm feeling the pinch.
I had piss and vinegar for dinner tonight. And, now it's all coming out.
I've spent years believing that blogs were simply for narcissists or teenagers who believe that the world gives a shit about them. Whether I'm just one more malcontent in front of a laptop is yet to be determined.
I once read a blog-turned-book about a kook on meds who became a mother. Her blog topic was her journey of dealing with postpartum depression. She ended up being institutionalized somewhere in between. I never took her book out of the library because it was a pretty easy read and I didn't need to.
Today, I feel lost in a sea of nobodys. Musicians want to play music. I've put so much time into this music career. So much effort into my music career. And, for what? So far, for fucking nothing. And, I'm getting older and wiser and I'm feeling the pinch.
I had piss and vinegar for dinner tonight. And, now it's all coming out.
